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My review of Babar, the little elephant

by admin

So I’m sitting on the floor in Albi’s room (as usual) going through the same old routine of good Dad / bad Dad / just try to relax mate / go the fuck to sleep.

While I have such ample time on my hands I thought I’d share my summary of the book that was tonight’s fare:

“The story of Babar, the little elephant”

Now I remember watching Babar as a kid myself on ABC before we had more than two channels to choose from (I grew up in country Vic). It was, by all reckonings, a pretty tame and young – child friendly show. In fact I remember it being pretty bloody boring to tell you the truth.

Well my furry friends, I could not be more wrong!

In fact, this seemingly innocuous little grey elephant is what most members of polite society would call a “twisted little fuck”

Let me give you my take on the story. 😎

Babar starts off his life in the jungle with the rest of his elephant posse. No surprises there. Being an elephant and doing elephant stuff. Happy days.

At some stage (I think our copy has a few pages missing) he ends up in the big smoke living with an old lady who caters to his every whim and treat him like the son she never had. Kinda weird but hey, who am I to judge. He drives the car around town. He does exercises with the old duck in the mornings. He has a private tutor and learns acedemia and the ways of man. He ragales the old ladies friends with stories of the jungle at night. He wears a fucking 3 piece suit, shiny black shoes and a bowler hat for christ’ sake. Something’s not sitting quite right with me now.

He still misses the old crew back in the jungle though, and has moments of sadness. Which I can understand, poor bugger.

One day a couple of young elephants, stark naked, (as in they don’t have any clothes on and definitely no hat or shiny shoes) come strolling into town. Would you believe it just happens to be Babar’s little COUSINS (upper-case for a reason – read later) Authur and Celeste! What a fucking coincidence!

Babar is obviously stoked to see his little amigos, and goes on a mission to get them all kitted out in some new threads. They then, naturally, head out to smash some serious human cuisine as elephants do….not. Pretty assumptive of big cuz if you ask me.

Meanwhile back in the jungle things are motoring along nicely until the almighty king of the elephants goes and eats a “poisonous” mushroom and kicks the bucket. Dickhead. Seriously, how can you lead a whole kingdom of elephants for so long and not know the difference between a deadly and a magic mushie? #hasleadershipqualities

The very next page has the remaining elders deliberating on selecting the new king after what must have been the fastest funeral in history. Odd customs some animals have..

And what do you know, just as this heavy discussion is in progress, who happens to blow back into town after years of absence? Yep, big nuts Babar and his trusty sidekicks Authur and Celeste . In their car. And their suits. Like a trio of drug dealers coming home to the trailer park for xmas.

The deemed wisest dude in the herd, a wrinkly old fucker named Cornelius, motions for Babar to be crowned the new king because he has a car, sharp clothes and has, get this, “learnt so much from the world of men”. The rest of the herd, in true herd mentality, think this is just bloody perfect and Babar is proclaimed king. Unbelievable. Why the hell would anything to do with the the world of man be beneficial to the effective rule of a herd of elephants? This had me frowning and wondering if I should be pulling the pin and choosing another book.

But before he would start his reign and everybody could live happily ever after, newly crowned Babar had one more surprise up his sleeve.

He proudly announced that on the car ride in from town, he and HIS LITTLE COUSIN Celeste had gone and GOTTEN ENGAGED!

Now I don’t know how much crack they had been smoking and how high Babar still was, but in what time, place or children’s book is it normal that the main character marries his little cousin. And every one in the story is ok with it?? Holy shit. I’m literally dumbstruck by now and can barely read the rest of the story, which thankfully is nearly done.

It wraps up with a huge (presumably incestuous) party where everyone dances throughout the night in celebration of the new King and Queen. As the sun rises, the happy couple head off in an air balloon – yes a fucking air balloon – on the search for more adventures. What about ruling your herd you ungrateful bastard? You have just been made king, married your cousin and are now jet-setting to far flung places in your search for hedonism.

I don’t know what you all think, but I for one think Babar is a sick, twisted, ungrateful, egotistical prick that not only deserves to be stripped of his kingdom, but definitely does not warrant a book to be written about his life.

Tomorrow night I think I’ll just look for a picture book 😂


Here's some other posts


Melissa Gibbard December 12, 2017 - 10:33 am

Too funny

Jaime Winchester December 12, 2017 - 10:37 am

I’m telling you, write a bloody book already!

Just A Dad December 12, 2017 - 10:38 am

Maybe I’ll just review kids books 😂😂

Anita Coldrey December 12, 2017 - 11:18 am

Just A Dad you’d make & you are a brilliant writer!

Leanne Doddridge December 12, 2017 - 10:39 am

Maybe elephants are like cats? I think the weird looks coming from my neighbours may have something to do with me yelling “Jimmy, get off your sister”, once too often!

Just A Dad December 12, 2017 - 10:41 am

Hahaha! Now that is bloody funny! I can just picture it 😂😂

Sheree Churchill December 12, 2017 - 10:42 am

Tip from a mum of 4 who flies solo at bedtime.. take the time after reading a story to catch up on episodes of a fave show. Took me til child number 4 til realise that the noise helps them get to sleep.

Renae Geary December 12, 2017 - 1:04 pm

Bloody oath it does. Why do you think that last child always wakes just as you turn telly off , walk down the hall and jump into bed and close your eyes . It’s like they saying “ ooh no your don’t !!! “

Jamee Lee December 12, 2017 - 10:48 am

“Like a trio of drug dealers coming home to their trailer park for Christmas!” Did laugh out loud so loudly I was scared I may have woken my own sleeping poppets and been forced to endure Babar myself! Side note….he went on to become a wellness entrepreneur and has a yoga for kids book

Just A Dad December 12, 2017 - 10:50 am


Just A Dad December 12, 2017 - 10:51 am

That would be such an excellent end to his adventures

Danielle Crichton December 12, 2017 - 10:49 am


Janet De Luca December 12, 2017 - 11:10 am

Someone needs a wine or 3!!
But I now have questions:
When Babs got married was he still clothed? Were they the only clothed ones or was there a dress code for the gathering? I wonder how many cousins removed Celeste was??
Makes me think about the other day of the thought I had going around in my head. In the movie Zootopia, where all animals live harmoniously together, what do the animals actually eat?? Are the meat eaters turned vegetarian or do they still eat meat that is smuggled in from other places?
I think I’ll grab a wine or 3 too

Just A Dad December 12, 2017 - 11:14 am

Ha! You know I’ll now have to rewatch that and get back to you 😂

Just A Dad December 12, 2017 - 11:14 am

But by all means, have a 🍸

Janet De Luca December 12, 2017 - 11:38 am

Just A Dad please do!!! Hops eats carrots (duh) and came from a vegetable farm the only other food references are the ice cream type place the elephants use their trunks to scoop up ice creams (yuck, I have been kissed on the cheek by an elephant trunk and you would not want that touching your ice cream, actually that was in Thailand! Moving on…) and there is apparently a donut shop that has a giant donut on it which hops catches before it squashes the mob rat’s daughter. And there are the popsicle things.
What would the lion and the panther and the fox be eating? No wonder they turned feral!!!

Anita Coldrey December 12, 2017 - 11:17 am


Fiona O'Donnell December 12, 2017 - 11:41 am
Fiona O'Donnell December 12, 2017 - 11:42 am

Thems elephants are big and powerful

Nicola Johnson December 12, 2017 - 12:05 pm


Robert Spies December 12, 2017 - 12:36 pm

Have you watched the new versions of babar on abc its still going lol not far from the story line of the book either

Mac Lin December 12, 2017 - 12:44 pm

My milo just got spat out in some sort of weird muffled laugh all over my kitchen bench! Too funny Just A Dad

Mac Lin December 12, 2017 - 12:45 pm

You’ll never think of Babar the same again..everrrr. Cat MulMac

Cat MulMac December 12, 2017 - 2:15 pm

‘As the sun rises, the happy couple head off in an air balloon – yes a fucking air balloon’

I just lost my shit!

Donna Lonsdale December 12, 2017 - 1:28 pm

This was the highlight of my night….thank you

Just A Dad December 12, 2017 - 8:02 pm

Anytime Donna!

Peta Melanie December 12, 2017 - 8:27 pm

Hilarious thanks for the laugh… you are such a great writer!!!

Just A Dad December 12, 2017 - 9:04 pm

Thanks Peta!

Just A Dad December 12, 2017 - 9:08 pm

Wow Vashti – it seems I am nowhere near the first person to have issues with poor old Babar! Thanks!

Sarah Scully December 12, 2017 - 11:18 pm

Oh I enjoyed that one marty! . On the subject of books Liam brought a school reader home last term called ‘daddy lost his job’…..to give you a run down, daddy loses his job, then family lose their house, then they have to sleep in their car for a while till nan says they can squat at hers. Thankfully daddy gets another job. It was a really uplifting grade 1 read. X

Just A Dad December 12, 2017 - 11:30 pm

Haha! That’s some heavy stuff for grade 1. Maybe it was donated by the local youth counsellor service 😂😂

Mac Lin December 12, 2017 - 11:33 pm

My daughter brought this home from kindergarten a few years ago, i couldn’t believe it!
I actually took it into my work to show my colleagues and they were stunned lol
Talk about empowering girls – NOT!
So funny!

Kate Rowley December 13, 2017 - 2:52 am

This post itself is literary genius. Just a Dad, I think you should definitely consider writing your very own children’s book

Just A Dad December 13, 2017 - 3:13 am

Thanks Kate – I’m seriously thinking of it!

Kate Rowley December 13, 2017 - 3:14 am

Just A Dad Do it!!!! Something along the lines of the great classic “Go the fuck to sleep” should suffice 😜

Kerri O'Keefe December 13, 2017 - 3:11 am

U honestly crack me up! Your not just a Dad …. U r a fucking legend Thanks for the laugh.. X

Lizzy Keenan December 13, 2017 - 6:19 am

You just ruined my childhood memories of Babar

Just A Dad December 13, 2017 - 6:23 am

Tell me about it 🙁


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