Home Uncategorized The greenest grass

The greenest grass

by admin

There seems to be a proliferation of anniversaries and celebratory milestones of recent amongst those that I follow through the threads of the social media world. Which is awesome to witness. I honestly sit here in silent awe of these amazing moments, with a comment or two thrown in for good measure. But internally I wince and push down the rising reflux of jealousy and envy.

I ponder the milestones unmet. The anniversaries that would have transpired. I consider the present state of being compared to the imagined possibilities of a wanted and denied life. Obviously this leaves a bitter and painful flavour on my tongue.

Yet as I exhale I question myself:

Who am I to be envious of another, jealous of something I cannot experience? Who am I to bemoan another when in essence I have been given and have so much?


It is hard to watch others celebrate things as you would once have done. It is difficult to reconcile a life unplanned, undreamed, undesirable. It is frustrating to observe a fleeting nicety offered haphazardly to a simple yet profoundly important moment. It is hard to witness complacency.

Yet it is just as ridiculous to accept that I have it so much worse. Yes this is not my ideal. Yes I covet what I witness in others. Yes, and this is a big one, I have been treated unfairly, and in kind, this is a real and true feeling and I do not have to apologise or pretend this is bad or ungrateful of me to feel this way.


I also deeply appreciate all that I have, have had and have to opportunity to have. (tongue twister!πŸ˜‚) It would be remiss of me to wallow in any form of self pity, lest the honour of the present be lost to longing for a former life.

It’s hard this solo parenting, grief laced life. It’s something I would not wish upon anyone. Yet in such adverse conditions there are still sliver linings to be found.

I am alive. I have a roof over my head. I have money to live in a comfortable manner. I have two perfectly amazing children. There exists potential for a happy life.

I have lost my wife. Our dream. Our life. And through that I have gained perspective. Gratitude. Awareness and appreciation for the present.

So I may lament a life lost. I may burn flashes of green at observations. I may slip occasionally into woe.

But I know now that the grass is most definitely the greenest on the side of the fence you tend. And what I have, here and now, is all that I can tend.

There is no tomorrow yet, so I can only imagine it.
Yesterday is only how I remember it, and I can’t change it.
Now is what I make of it, therefore it is everything.

Therefore I choose to make my grass the greenest. ✌️

Here's some other posts


John B January 7, 2022 - 6:26 pm

I was told a similar thing by someone, probably a counsellor. They said, appreciate the time you had together, rather than bemoan the time you’ve missed out on. It’s a bit simplistic, I know, and at certain times, you don’t want to hear it, but on the whole, it’s really helped me. Great work.

admin February 23, 2022 - 12:18 pm

Absolutely – it is hard sometimes not to dwell on the time missed, but in the end, celebrating the time had not only helps with the healing process, but preserves the fondness and memories πŸ™‚


Your thoughts?

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More

%d bloggers like this: