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Share your shit rather than your unicorns

by admin

I reckon any solo parent would make a bloody good actor. We are so good at wearing a mask, acting out a facade, changing character in an instance.

I say this because I just spent a few minutes scrolling through my posts over the last week or so. It appears that we have been having a pretty good, fun time of late, bar a snake encounter and a couple of tantys at the dinner table.

Then why do I sit here and feel like things are a bit tough at the moment? That I’m feeling frustrated with the cherubs. That happiness seems fleeting and superficial. That if I don’t watch myself, those insidious groping fingers of apathy will slowly wrap themselves around my soul once again.

Because who’d want to hear about that? Why would I want anyone to know that this shit is hard, that I’m not fucking superman. That I have a loneliness that can’t be cured, that I still struggle with the surrealism of not having my best friend by my side. That most days, I just couldn’t be fucked. With anything.

You see this is one of the reasons I started this blog. Because it’s very easy to share your successes, your happy moments with others. There are no negatives to making others laugh or smile. A shared success increases the elation you feel. Happiness is infectious and desirable.

But sharing your shit times is hard. Why? Because no one likes pity. No one likes to admit they don’t have all the answers, that they are not fully capable. People don’t like to bare their souls for all to see. It feels like a weakness, a vulnerability that needs to be protected. Much easier to just pop on the mask and pass off your life as utopia. Much easier to turn that frown upside down and reply with “all good” as an answer to the inevitable.

And it seems I have been guilty of this. Sure I tell it how it is. I swear, curse the kids, write with honesty. But rarely do I not inject (well try to) some humour or light heartedness into my articles.

Which is fine and dandy 99.9% of the time because that’s exactly how I feel. Crap things can happen but I’ll always try to find a giggle in it somewhere. (usually in retrospect!)

But that 0.01% of the time, things are just outright shit and no amount of sugar coating can make it even remotely amusing.

So I encourage all of you, as I will be doing from here on in, to not shrink into a corner when all you have to share is woe. Tell me / us all about it, I / we won’t judge or offer pitiful words. Because we all have these moments, we all have crap days, and I guarantee you that sharing your shit is far more cathartic and personally useful than posting about the happy, smiling unicorns part of your life.

Peace, love and mungbeans y’all ✌️

 

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37 comments

Rhonda Daly September 2, 2017 - 8:43 am

You love your kids and doing the best job as you know how. Its hard and tiring being on your own and you are allowed to be human. It will get easier as they get older. You put in hard yards now and they will grow with your strength and values you instill. I still feel alone at times and only have my 16 year old at home now. I wonder how i will feel when she flies the nest.

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Nic Keogh September 2, 2017 - 8:43 am

Ripper post mate

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KrisandShan Silver September 2, 2017 - 9:01 am

This parenting stuff is the hardest of hard. Its tests every single emotion and then some. When its good its sooo good but i understand the struggle, the patience required every second , the happy mask the everything. Your doing a great job. Great post once again

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 9:17 am

Thanks lovely x

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Lisa Venturoni September 2, 2017 - 9:13 am

Spot on. It’s a hard gig doing it alone. You will however wake up tomorrow morning and start a new day. And we can’t wait to see the artwork that’s going to put a huge smile on your face.
Big hugs to you x

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 9:15 am

Ahhhhhh the fabled artwork! Shit I hope it’s good 🙂

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Joanne Peake September 2, 2017 - 9:13 am

Great post Chris. Keeping it real. Only 1 day to go to your glittery surprise.

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 9:16 am

The floor is still a glittery surprise every time I walk into the house 😉 thanks Jo x

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Joanne Peake September 2, 2017 - 9:18 am

Glitter, the gift that keeps on giving.

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 9:21 am

Giving, that’s one word for it…

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Trish Ross September 2, 2017 - 9:35 am

Having had a few jobs ove the last 20 odd years i can tell you being a mum and a mostly single mum is the hardest job ive ever done. But i can also see how awesome my girls are anf am so very proud to say im their mum. Yeah we have tough times but i am so grateful for what theyve taught me abd given me. . So go for it. Share the hard stuff cause it helps to keep us going

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 9:43 am

Thanks Trish!

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Sean Penny September 2, 2017 - 9:43 am

Dude…… nailed it!

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 9:44 am

Thanks bud 🙂

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Rena Bean September 2, 2017 - 10:15 am

Its hard work as a couple raising kids, can’t imagine how hard it is with what your family has gone through. The fact you love them and they is what keeps you going. Love the advise of talking about the reality cause that is hard.doin a great job you are. I was a single mum for a long time and it was tough. They turned out good. This last one tests me on every level. I at least can say ‘tag’ to my hubby..

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 10:23 am

Thanks Rena. Yeah must admit that having no one to tag with adds a bit of pressure

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Rena Bean September 2, 2017 - 10:26 am

I remember how hard it was. I am innovative now, noise cancelling headphones, time out (for me) and some good loud music if i cant drown it out…

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Douglas Honeywill September 2, 2017 - 10:43 am

There is no doubt that what you are doing is tough beyond comprehension, but there are many out here in cyber world who love you for who you are, what you are doing, and the inspiration you give without even knowing it. We all have your back, you got this big time

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 11:26 am

Wow mate, they’re some pretty humbling words… Thankyou.

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Antonia Abiuso September 2, 2017 - 11:38 am

Couldn’t have put it better myself!

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 9:04 pm

X

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Brenna McIntyre September 2, 2017 - 11:39 am

Thank you for your honesty, it truly helps all of us doing it solo and questioning our abilities on a regular basis!

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 9:03 pm

I’m happy to hear it grow Brenna, hope you are well x

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Andrea Day September 2, 2017 - 11:55 am

I think it’s hard for people parenting together to realise how hard it can be to do it ALL on your own. Especially if there are parts of you that are broken.
You’re absolutely right though, it’s easier to let others see the bright & bubbly happy side. That’s simpler than trying to put the loneliness or the utter exhaustion into words.
It’s cyclic. Some days are better than others. Some are worse. But those feelings are always there. Right down to my soul.

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 8:59 pm

Perfectly said Andrea!

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Donna Brodie-searle September 2, 2017 - 9:05 pm

Yes honey

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Liesa Adlington September 2, 2017 - 12:23 pm

I don’t usually comment on lots of things generally, but just wanted you to know tonight that I was just talking to my hubby about you… I had read your post earlier and my heart just broke for you having to do life without your “best friend ” by your side. I am so so sorry. You are right… we all should be a bit more real, and truly support one another. I put up a positive post today on Facebook, and in reality Im at home tonight in tears about some life circumstances… quite devastated. You are loving your kids with all your heart, and doing everything you can…..and know your beautiful wife is loving you from Heaven so much….

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 9:02 pm

Thankyou for your honesty and kind words Liesa. I hope your situation improves and today brings a smile x

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Liesa Adlington September 2, 2017 - 9:23 pm

Just A Dad no… I wish you unexpected happiness and blessing today 😉

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Scott Anderson September 2, 2017 - 12:47 pm

Well said mate

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 9:02 pm

Thanks mate.

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Rebbecca Duncan September 2, 2017 - 11:03 pm

Relate to this so much, mum of four who’s partner of 11years and father to my four passed away in 2013….. Nailed it and thank you for posting.

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Just A Dad September 2, 2017 - 11:08 pm

I’m sorry to hear Rebecca.. Thanks for reaching out 🙂

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Gee Luvva September 3, 2017 - 3:41 am

Got some perspective myself a minute ago.

Woke up to a shithouse coffee and burnt toast with a smattering of butter and very generous helping of vegemite; thanks kids….super yummy (not sure whether to do the usual ‘tastes great’ thing or be real and give them the brutal truth).

Anyways, all cruisy until the usual bickering etc started between them and I lost my shit…too quickly.

Came outside for a cigarette (yeah, rank I know) & could hear nothing but sirens.

Then the medichopper.

Major accident on the Freeway.

Some1 just lost a Sibling, Partner, Father, Mother or Best Mate.

Not so angry at the kids atm & suddenly the Coffee/Toast tastes better in my memory than it really did.

Peace!

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Just A Dad September 3, 2017 - 4:27 am

Mate, huge reminder to keep things in perspective. Thanks for the share, I needed it today… Been reminiscent of yours so far.

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Viv Freeman September 17, 2017 - 2:38 am

Yes I have a great mask def don’t want anyone to know how tough it is flying solo but having safe friends to turn to in times of is very supportive and it’s great to know we are all not alone in this.

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Just A Dad September 17, 2017 - 2:40 am

Couldn’t have said it better myself x

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