Its only taken me 3 or so years. Fair enough though I think. I sort of had a few things on my plate already. Being a single Dad will do that to you: Drain you’re energy; sap your will and simultaneously slow down and speed up time, to the point that there is nothing else but the world of raising children. Not that I’d change it for all the rice in China mind you. I love the little munchkins, every cuddle, smile, tantrum and success. I would just prefer to have my wife Renee here to share it with. Not because it’s a chore, just because, well she’s my wife and their Mum. She should be here to watch them grow up, to laugh with me at their meltdowns, to stroke their hair as they fall asleep. Not too much to ask really. They need their Mum, I want the love of my life back. Simple.
But she died.
Fucking Cancer.
At 39.
She was first diagnosed at 37 (when we were 16 weeks pregnant with Albi mind you) but fought like a warrior for two and a half years until there was nothing left in the tank. She is my hero, my love and my inspiration.
Which has led me finally here. Part self therapy (better out than in), part explanation (to my family and friends) and, hopefully, part help resource for others who find themselves thrust into a life unwanted, undeserved and unplanned due to the loss of a beloved partner.
My name is Chris. I am a 43 year old widower with two children, Grace 9 and Albi 5. Uncut, raw and from the heart, this is my story.
3 comments
Chris,
I came across your blog and it truly touched me deeply. The love that you have for your wife then and now is so beautiful. You express yourself with such openness and honesty that is so special and simply amazing.
It is obvious your children are the most important priority in your life and it would appear that their mom is in their lives daily thru you. I think this is such a wonderful gift that you get to share with them. I have no doubt they know how truly lucky and special it is to have you and their mom in their corner.
Your blog about only you can make you happy…I have said that for years and sometimes it is just difficult to believe as much as it makes sense.
I was married for 12 years and he never showed me even 1/3 of the compassion, love, honesty and commitment that you have shown before and after you lost your wife. What a legacy to leave your children…it sounds like you are doing everything “right” each day to make both your life and your children’s lives beautiful. I never had kids (I could still be a mother, I’m only in my 40s…I so have a Lab named Gracie Lu, my “kid”) and it is my one big regret in life when I see stories like yours that truly touch my heart.
I hope you find the happiness you all deserve and thank you for sharing your story.
Would love to hear from you but I am sure you are a busy guy.
All the best,
Charice (USA)
cece422@gmail.com
Charice! So lovely is you too take the time to write such lovely and supportive words. Thankyou for reaching out and I wish you all the happiness you wish for me x
Good Day Sir,
I stumbled onto your blog while conducting my own research on maybe starting my own blog, I been toying with the idea, being a father with my son who is ADHD and is severally traumatized has made me dabble at the idea. Anyhow this isn’t about me, but rather about your touching blog, honestly it is raw and honest. Yet you are inspiring in your words and thoughts, your experience will help others who will unfortunately have to cross the same path as yours, for this I applaud you and hope that your journey brings you what you need. I thank you for allowing us the reader into your heart felt journey and I hope that your blog helps bring you some peace.