appy birthday my love. I hope you are having a party to end all parties wherever you may be. We did what we could down here. We made a cake, we dined out and toasted to you. We even drank from champagne glasses just as you would have done. We brought beautiful flowers and lit candles in your honour. We spoke of happy times and fond memories, we sang your favourite songs at the top of our lungs. We smiled. We laughed. We loved.
But it’s just not the same. We know that but we try anyway. What choice do we have.
Right now I find myself lying in bed with a little girl needing comfort and assurance, as mother nature rends the sky with her fury and dumps her tears in thunderous torrents on our roof.
And I sob for her. My heart aches for this little girl who is bereft of the soothing embrace of a mother’s arms. My tears are also for you not having the privilege to hold your baby girl and make everything feel safe. Our little boy is sleeping soundly in his bed but he will come soon too and I will do the same.
I cannot help but cry on days like this anyway. I do apologise but I just do. And I don’t ever want to not cry when we are celebrating a day that reminds us of our little family.
And yes, my tears are selfish too. I am doing my best but I just bloody miss you. I wish this never happened. It’s not fair.
Don’t worry. Love, affection and care abound here my angel, but on days like this it is hollow and fragile. We know you watch over us. We feel your presence. We see your signs. But we are physical beings and we miss yours. I promise I will do my best to be as much you as I can.
So wherever you are sweetheart, I hope you are smiling and happy. We believe you are and that knowledge brings us some peace.
Happy 42nd birthday my Wanabe.
We love you.